The dating scene has a wide and varied pool of people from all walks of life. Some are searching for love, others quite content to take their time playing the field and having fun. Frequently, you’ll come across folks who are fresh out of long-term relationships, including marriages. This leaves many people wondering what it’s like dating a divorced man in his 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s.
Everybody on the dating scene has a history, as do we all, but some people may find it intimidating to find out the man they’re interested in dating used to be married and is now divorced.
It’s not uncommon to experience some anxiety with the uncertainty of dating a divorced man in his 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s. What if their last relationship was toxic? How will it work if there are children involved? How can I cope if he’s on good terms with his ex-wife?
There will be challenges to overcome when you first start dating a divorced man in his 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s due to a number of scenarios you’ve never previously experienced. However, that doesn’t mean facing these challenges head-on isn’t worthwhile. Men who have been married may have a better understanding of long-term, serious relationships than someone who has never experienced one.
Six Tips For Dating A Divorced Man In His 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s
Listed below are six pieces of advice for you to follow if you’re considering dating a divorced man in his 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s.
1. Confirm That His Divorce Has Been Finalized
While the relationship might essentially be over, there’s a massive difference between a person who is in the middle of a divorce and one who has had his divorce completed.
No matter how long you have been separated, until your divorce has been finalized, you’re legally still married, which brings with it a whole new potential set of problems.
There’s always the possibility the man could reconcile with his wife, or maybe his ex-spouse harbors the desire to win back her husband, which could get messy. Divorces are both time-consuming and mentally exhausting, which could leave him emotionally unavailable.
Ethical quandaries aside, if you’re dating a married man, you leave yourself emotionally vulnerable and open to pain and heartbreak. It’s worthwhile waiting until his divorce has been finalized before getting involved to avoid any needless suffering.
2. Understand His Ex-Wife Will Probably Be Part of His Life
While it’s not always the case, you’ll frequently find that a man’s ex-wife will always be part of his life in some capacity, especially if they have children together.
If the former married couple has children, they’ll need to communicate with each other about the child’s well-being regularly; there may even come a time when the two of you meet.
There’s the possibility that his ex-wife has formed a strong emotional bond with his family and that it could take time for them to recognize you as his new love interest.
It can be mentally taxing to date someone who has consistent contact with his ex-wife, especially if you’re naturally insecure in relationships.
3. Consider How Long He Has Been Divorced
Though his divorce may have been finalized, he could still be emotionally unavailable if he started dating quickly after the divorce.
Listen to how often he refers to his ex. He probably needs more time to get over his relationship if he frequently speaks of her.
If the man has been divorced for many years, it’s more likely that he is comfortable with his history, and it won’t cause problems in his dating life. A person who can recall his marriage without anger or resentment is likely ready to date, and it shows his character too.
It’s essential to consider that everyone reacts differently to divorce, but you can gauge a person’s mental position by listening intently to what they say and trusting your instincts.
4. His Relationship May Have Been a Traumatic Experience
Getting married is a lifetime commitment, and for one to end, something serious often has to happen. While love occasionally wanes over time, it’s possible something traumatic caused his marriage to end.
Abusive relationships leave long-lasting scars on a person, as do relationships that suffered from infidelity. They create trust issues that can cause a man to build an emotional barrier that can be difficult to break down.
It’s your responsibility to show him that you’re your own person and that just because his ex-wife hurt him doesn’t mean you will too. However, you’ll need to be patient as overcoming painful relationships is not something that happens overnight.
5. Understand He May Never Want To Get Married
Suppose your long-term wish is to find a partner to marry. In that case, you have to consider that a formerly married man may have no desire to remarry, especially if his first marriage ended badly or if his divorce was acrimonious.
If getting married in the future is a non-negotiable for you, it’s essential you find out as fast as possible to avoid any future heartbreak.
There’s no harm in having honest conversations before committing to a relationship. Having been married once already, he’ll likely understand the need for this kind of conversation and will welcome your honesty.
If he’s been married and divorced once already, he may be reluctant to put himself in a position where it could happen again.
6. Dating a Divorced Man Who Has Kids is Challenging
You never really understand the challenge of raising children until you experience it for yourself.
A parent’s love for their children is unwavering, and he will (or should) always put his children before his partner. This could be difficult to accept, especially if you don’t have children of your own.
It’s a good idea to wait until you’re both positive that you’re in a committed, loving relationship before meeting his children to avoid any potential and unnecessary harm to the kids. Forming a bond with someone only for them to disappear from their lives is emotionally damaging to children.
If you want to have children in the future, it’s essential to discuss with him his desires. While some men will be open to the idea of having more kids, when dating a divorced man in his 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s you’ll frequently find he might be reluctant to become a father again.
Though it can be challenging dating a divorced man in his 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s, his history isn’t “baggage.” It’s an experience that brings with it understanding and knowledge.
Follow these six tips to make sure you know what to expect and that you give your relationship the best chance to succeed when dating a divorced man in his 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s.
If you’re a divorcee, be sure to check out our best tips for dating after divorce.
Help For Dating A Divorced Man In His 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s
Are you interested in dating a divorced man in his 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s but nervous about all of the potential issues that may come with that situation? Or are you a divorced man who is considering dating again, but worried about how to approach the dating scene, or struggling with possible emotional effects left from your previous marriage? BetterHelp has trained and licensed professionals that can help you navigate these concerns from the comfort of your living room, and on your schedule. There’s no shame in speaking with a therapist who can offer support and advice with all of your relationship concerns and struggles. Don’t put it off any longer: reach out and get the guidance and help that you deserve today.